You're Awful, I Love You
by Shinigami's Lullaby
Summary: In which Hotaru attempts to play matchmaker between Ruka and Mikan, and fails miserably. Then again, things never do go as planned... HR oneshot


**Disclaimer: **Gakuen Alice isn't mine. The song lyrics belong to Ludo's song "Love me Dead."

* * *

**You're Awful, I Love You**

* * *

Hotaru sighed; this was not at all how she had planned for her day to pan out. It had been split second inspiration, or perhaps a moment of madness, but whatever the reason, she had decided to find Mikan a 'Prince Charming.' The inventor liked to think that she simply wished to quell Mikan's unfounded fear of being left behind – to comfort a friend in need. Deep down, the black_-_haired girl rationalized that the idea more likely stemmed from her own inability to find a personal happy ending.

_Love me cancerously,  
Like a salt-sore soaked in the sea._

The idea had started simply: find Mikan another friend to cling to. But the scheme festered in Hotaru's mind, as such things tend to do, and evolved into another plan: find Mikan a boyfriend. It was the obvious step up for most fifteen year old girls, though not for Hotaru. It had taken careful planning and consideration, but with her gentle prodding, Ruka (the chosen subject, picked for his already existent crush on the Mikan) would confess his feelings to the girl and ask her to be his date for Alice Ball. Easy as pie. Or cake, which Hotaru preferred. Pull some strings behind the scenes and voila, Mikan lives happy ever after with Ruka and leaves Hotaru free to work on her inventions in peace. As usual, the plan served her own selfish motives.

_You're a gluttonous queen,  
Narcissistic and mean!_

Hotaru's plan failed miserably. She was supposed to lure Ruka and Mikan into a secluded area and force the animal lover to reveal his crush. Simple, right? Yet a complete train wreck all the same.

* * *

Hotaru Imai hovered on the outskirts of a large, rambunctious crowd of teenagers. Her amethyst eyes locked onto shining blond hair and sky blue eyes: _bunny boy sighted. _She moved in for the kill, snagging Ruka by the ear and dragging him away. Hotaru blasted a few protesting fan girls with her Baka gun, and continued to tow the boy (and the ever present Bunny-boo) away.

"I-Imai-san?" stuttered Ruka as he unsuccessfully attempted to free his now mangled ear from Hotaru's death grip, trademark blush slowly settling into his features.

"We need to talk. Now, Bunny-boy." Hotaru came to an abrupt stop and released Ruka's ear. They were now safely across the Academy lawn in a small clearing near the edge of the Northern Forest, away from eavesdroppers.

"About..." hinted Ruka.

"You have a crush on Mikan Sakura." Hotaru had decided ahead of time to state the obvious, there was no use beating around the bush. Not that she cared much; she didn't mind talking to Ruka. But, as usual, Hotaru operated in a painstakingly efficient manner.

"I...I...what?" Ruka's blush spread to the tips of his ears, and the boy clutched Bunny-boo tightly to his chest.

"No use denying it, Nogi. Now let's get down to business."

Ruka stuttered nonsensically for a minute or two, as Hotaru waited non-to-patiently, until he finally gave up on stringing words together into a coherent sentence.

"I, acting in Mikan's best interests, have decided to step in and give your relationship with her a push." Hotaru noticed absentmindedly that Bunny-boo had begun sneezing uncontrollably.

"A relationship p-push?" Ruka asked distractedly as he struggled to console the convulsing rabbit.

"Are you stuttering because you're cold? If so, it's summer. You should go to a doctor… or a psychiatrist." Hotaru deadpanned, business-like as usual. But she couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of remorse for setting Ruka up when he hardly seemed willing to reveal his feelings. However, she hadn't come this far for nothing, and as usual, she squared her shoulders and continued. Ruka smiled brightly, having finally calmed down Bunny-boo.

_Kill me romantically  
Fill my soul with vomit,  
Then ask me for a piece of gum!_

Hotaru sighed deeply, half out of annoyance, half out of guilt. Yet the inventor felt slightly reassured at the sight of Ruka's grin, even if it was directed at a rabbit rather than herself. She then continued, "Yes, relationship. Our objective is simple. You must be given the opportune time to confess your true feelings and ask Mikan to the Alice Ball." The inventor plowed on, intent on getting back to her room in time to catch the latest Technical Fair on T.V. "I'll arrange a meeting for you two at a private venue. Do you understand?"

"P-private?"

"This is ridiculous!" For the first time in her life, Hotaru showed genuine emotion to someone other than Mikan and her immediate family – exasperation. Not the best first impression, but a monumental occasion regardless.

"Imai-san, are you okay?" Ruka didn't stutter for once in their rather confusing and emotionally (and unemotionally, in the black haired girl's case) wrought conversation. Genuinely worried, he nervously tapped Hotaru's shoulder. The inventor snapped out of her reverie.

"Ahem…Excuse me. Mikan will meet you here after classes." Ruka looked a bit nervous and Hotaru, having overcome her previous animosity towards the boy, responded in a playfully demonic manner: "This is your big chance Nogi, don't screw it up!"

_You've got the mark of the beast.  
You've born of a jackal,  
You're beautiful!_

Ruka blushed even deeper, if that was even possible, but felt immediately at ease when he saw, for the first time, Hotaru's lips quirk up in a small smile. He blushed again, why in the world was he looking at her lips?

"Good luck. Seriously." With that, Hotaru brushed off her hands as if she had just completed a labor-intensive task, turned, and walked away in the general direction of her next class.

_That went pretty well,_ she thought, _Now just to get Mikan-dummy in the loop._

* * *

Ruka stood where Hotaru had left him for quite a while, completely shocked. _How could Hotaru Imai be this clueless? This was __**The**_ _Hotaru Imai he was talking about, certified genius._ How in the world did she so utterly and completely misread his intentions? He had liked her ever since she came to the Academy, staying near Mikan because she was a free ticket to Hotaru's company. Not that he didn't like Mikan (who didn't like that idiot?), but his regard for her was similar to his relationship with Natsume. Close, but not romantically inclined. His heart didn't speed up, and he didn't start blushing and acting like a total idiot when she was around, only Hotaru could do that to him.

Hotaru. Money obsessed. Demanding. Calculating. Ruka knew, however, that beneath all of that, beneath her prickly exterior, she was just afraid of being hurt. Ruka felt that he was the perfect person to coax the girl from her shell.

She was beautiful in her own way. She was smart, kind to those she liked, and she didn't fawn over him like a typical fan-girl. He liked pretty much everything about her, excluding the Baka gun. But then again, his feelings toward that… thing… weren't all that unusual.

_She moves through moonbeams slowly  
She knows just how to hold me…_

Of course, Hotaru wasn't perfect – a little violent at times, a bit of a money monster – but flaws are what made a person special, right? Even if Hotaru had strange quirks, so did everyone. Those traits were what made her stand out from other girls.

But she was clueless. The concept was laughable but true, unfortunately for Ruka. As far as he knew, Hotaru didn't have a crush on anyone, so he figured the inventor couldn't just be trying to get rid of him.

Ruka knew that Mikan would be completely oblivious, and that Natsume already had feelings for the girl. Basically, if Ruka did anything with or to Mikan, Bunny-boo would be burnt to a crisp; Natsume had even voiced that particular threat on occasion. Just going along with Hotaru's insane plan was a no go, not that he wanted to. However, Hotaru could be disconcertingly persuasive when it suited her objectives.

Ruka walked resolutely to his next class. He decided to tell Hotaru how he felt about her – Mikan wouldn't know what was going on and would be ecstatic regardless. This rather odd situation would all work out somehow... but how in the world had he gotten himself into this mess?

_Must be the sign on my head,  
That says, oh...  
Love me dead! Love me dead!_

* * *

_Mission accomplished. _Hotaru strode purposefully down the hallway, feeling pleased with herself. She had done it! Mikan and Ruka would be meeting each other after classes. In all honesty, Hotaru was beginning to feel rather depressed, but her expressionless facade betrayed no sign of the dejection. She knew Mikan didn't have a crush on Ruka, but the two were close friends and Mikan had been complaining to Hotaru recently about her lack of a social life. This was Mikan's perfect chance and Hotaru knew she would jump at it without a second thought.

Hotaru gently shook her head: jealously wasn't becoming. Not that she cared what Ruka thought about her at all, or what anyone else thought for that matter. The inventor sighed; she had only succeeded in getting herself mixed up. She couldn't foil her own plan! She had to get over her feelings (what feelings?) and go find her own happy ending, it was no use stealing someone else's.

_I know she drains me slowly  
She wears me down to bones in bed..._

Now she just needed to find a stakeout point from which she could easily watch the proceedings and make sure Ruka didn't _actually_ screw up...

Ruka though things through during Algebra class. (Jinno was a bit distracted and didn't notice that his pupil was not paying attention. This was mostly due to the fact that Koko spent the whole class laughing maniacally, Nonoko having accidentally given him laughing gas instead of a dose of cold medicine.) Hotaru had probably told Mikan that he just wanted to talk to her, not wanting to ruin the surprise. And knowing Hotaru's money obsession, she would probably hide somewhere nearby with a camera to take lovey-dovey couple candids, which she would most likely sell at a later date to his fan clubs: both human and animal.

The blond planned to tell Mikan about his crush on Hotaru during the meeting, which the eavesdropping inventor would overhear. It was her choice what she did with that knowledge. Now he just needed to figure out how to lure Hotaru from her hiding spot...

_You call me a drunk  
Does the fun ever start?  
You're hideous and sexy!_

Ruka stared at the clock, willing the second hands to move more quickly. Class would be over and his plan would commence in _5... 4... 3... 2... 1..._ Action!

* * *

Hotaru shifted in her rather uncomfortable and precarious position. She had unsteadily balanced herself on a tree limb hanging over Mikan and Ruka's meeting spot after telling Mikan to come here, having already grabbed her trusty camera. It had been a long day and she'd missed the Technical Fair on TV, seeing as she was too busy tracking down Mikan. It was the same looking for any lost object, you find it where you least expect – in this case, she found Mikan upside down in a garbage can with a note that read, "Stay away from Natsume-sama, you lowly no-star!" Note to self: Kill Sumire Shouda.

Mikan had proved herself as a complete airhead on many occasions, but she was sweet and cute and friendly. Perfect girlfriend material, unlike Hotaru. The black haired girl shook her head; she wasn't going to think about that. The plan itself probably wasn't a good idea, she had caught herself second guessing decisions all day. It wasn't like Ruka was her last chance for romance – there were plenty of other guys!

Maybe Natsume?

On second thought...Yuck! Hotaru wiped her mouth and shivered in disgust. That would be like marrying Michael Jackson. Or the devil. Or some weird Michael-Jackson-Devil. Not even an option! The inventor pretended that she hadn't even considered it for a second.

_How's your new boy?  
Does he know about me?_

Ruka walked into the clearing and sat under Hotaru's (who was still attempting to banish the Michael Jackson Devil image from her mind, and failing quite pathetically) tree, waiting for Mikan's arrival. He scanned the forest around him, looking for a sign of Hotaru. No such luck. Of course, he never bothered looking straight up where the inventor's feet were dangling above his head.

Ruka idly petted Bunny-boo while Hotaru fiddled with the new gadget she'd picked up at Central Town the day before. Eventually Mikan skipped into the clearing, oblivious to the two-hour wait her two closest friends just suffered though.

"Sorry I'm late!" she chirped as Ruka stood and smiled. Hotaru shifted on her perch and leaned down in an attempt to better make out what the two were saying.

"So, Ruka, what did you want to tell me?" Mikan bounced across the clearing, laughably ignorant of the nervous vibes Ruka practically sweated. Hotaru frowned; she could hardly make out what Mikan had said and she knew from past experiences, most painful, that the idiot talked _extremely _loudly. There was no way she would be able to hear the soft-spoken Ruka from her current position.

The inventor grimaced, wishing she had paid closer attention to Persona's survival exercises in P.E. as she attempted to shimmy across the branch. Luck was on her side and Hotaru safely made it to the end of the tree limb, to which she clung in a rather unladylike fashion above her subjects.

"Sakura-san, you and Imai-san are best friends, right?"

"Yeah?" Mikan's brow furrowed; her brain went on overload as she attempted to figure out why that question was relevant to the conversation.

"So, I want you to be the first to know." Ruka took a deep breath and once again scanned the trees for any sight of Hotaru. "I have a crush on her and I want to ask her to go to the Alice Ball with me."

Hotaru inhaled sharply. To say she was in shock would have been the understatement of the century.

**"Wh...**what?" The inventor began to shout, quickly modifying her scream to a whisper as she remembered her current situation as an undercover operative. How in the world did this happen? Ruka. Sweet, innocent Ruka. She never expected this from him. Her plans had always worked in the past, but this... this...

She had noticed from the beginning of her plan that she may have been almost too attached to him, which would explain her reluctance to set him up with Mikan. But Hotaru had smothered her emotions regardless. And for the sake of her plan, she couldn't possibly steal Mikan's happy ending, could she?

_You suck so passionately,  
You're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature,  
Bangin' my heart!_

Everything was always for the plan... everything. Hotaru stiffened as she realized: what if this had always been the plan? Maybe things were supposed to turn out this way in the first place… would that be too much to ask?

Ruka fidgeted, a blush spreading across his features as he took in Mikan's expression. Her mouth was hanging open in shock, eyes wide as saucers. "Ruka-pyon, this is amazing! I had no idea!" With that outburst, the brunette flung herself at Ruka, intent on giving him a bear hug.

Hotaru grimaced as Mikan threw herself at Ruka – the airhead was going to smash poor, innocent Bunny-boo! Hotaru drew her U.A.W (Undercover Agent Weapon: copyrighted property of Hotaru Imai Enterprises) and threw it at Mikan to prevent the impending collision.

Mikan lurched backwards as the projectile hit her smack-dab in the center of her forehead. As she took in the Hotaru Imai Enterprises copyright on the side, she began bawling, "Hotaru, you big meanie, I know that was you. Get down here!" Ruka looked up into the trees above his head and saw Hotaru sitting there with an expression on her face akin to Mikan's earlier look of surprise.

"Imai-san, you heard what I just said, right?" Ruka's blush darkened as Hotaru nodded noncommittally. The black-haired girl snapped her fingers, summoning her Swan Mobile, and flew down to meet her two friends.

"Hotaru, that hurt!" Mikan immediately latched herself to her best friend, sobbing.

Hotaru looked down at her crying friend and said, with a small smile on her face, "You're ruining the moment, idiot."

"Does that mean you'll go to the Ball with me?" asked Ruka hopefully, staring at Hotaru with a look close to worship.

"I suppose I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"I-Imai-san, I... I like you!" Ruka finally choked out.

"You owe me ten bucks, though, as payment for being your escort." Hotaru deadpanned.

_You're an office park without any trees,  
Corporate and cold,  
Gushing for gold,  
Leave me alone!_

"Imai-san!"

"Hotaru, idiot, who's ruining the moment now? That's so unromantic!" protested Mikan.

"And you don't have to call me Imai-san. **Ruka**. Just call me Hotaru." The inventor's face softened into a smile, she was getting money and a date! This was one of the best days of her life, not that she would ever admit that...

"Hotaru," said Ruka tentatively, as if trying it out for size. "Hotaru!" he stated with conviction, "I like you!"

"Well that's good. Now hand over the money... _Ruka-pyon_." Hotaru smiled widely for the first time in ages… this was going to be fun!

Ruka ignored the greedy comment, once again turning tomato-red. He leaned over and pecked Hotaru gently on her cheek.

Hotaru blushed but quickly regained her composure, "Ruka-pyon," she said in a saccharine voice, "Kisses are extra, _dear!_"

_You're my sugarplum,  
You're awful, I love you!_

**the end.**

"No, seriously, I wasn't kidding. Hand over the dough, Bunny Boy."

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**Author's Note: **Many thanks to Marivan, Sweetest Wishes and Passion's Grace for proofreading, you all are fabulous!

I would like to point out that nowhere in this story do I ever mention love. I don't believe that one can fall in love at such a young age, not to mention that the concept is quite clichéd. I don't believe in love at first sight, nor in true love until adulthood either. Then again, that's just me.

Anyway, thank you for reading this far, and please drop me a review! Revisions as of August 9, 2010.

~SL~


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